This morning i was watching some nicevideos of a workshop gien by Ken Wilber and others and afterwards showering this showerthought ran out the faucet over my head and into me: we cannot do any harm unto others without harming ourselves. Of course sometimes this is necessary, as when we kill to eat, or punish to teach, or go cold turkey to break a habit.

And the reverse is just as true. the least good we do, we do unto ourselves also. This Jesus said, which is fitting on this day. Thanks showerhead ;)

So that is also an answer as to why i'm usually a sortof-vegetarian: because it is easier 'for me', it costs less 'for me', and it does the least harm to all of us.

Two nights ago i had an extra-ordinary clear dream. I was ascending Chomolangma(mnt everest) with a tibetan guide/sherpa and a small group of people. The atmosphere was clear and cold and our purpose intense. At one point we rested and about 2 hours higher up i discovered i must have 'forgotten' my backpack lower down. We stopped and my/the guide came down and i realized he didn't have it either. He felt sorry(in a non-guilty way) that he hadn't looked after me better but implied unworriedly that i could continue without it. For me that was out of the question. I could not entertain that option at all and he silently undestood that. He handed me a parcel and two red postcards. I felt i was to read them when i reached my backpack. The postcards contained good wishes/news from 2? woman, and that would give me the added hope and inspiration to climb back up and again join the party(who would continue). interesting. what message is my soul and unconscious singing to me?

why do we make everything so difficult? What happened to play and fun and flow? Perhaps we seek too hard. We work so hard and try to control so much to reach these new nowhere's.

Well we know where we’re goin’
But we don’t know where we’ve been
And we know what we’re knowin’
But we can’t say what we’ve seen
And we’re not little children
And we know what we want
And the future is certain
Give us time to work it out

We’re on a road to nowhere
Come on inside
Takin’ that ride to nowhere
We’ll take that ride

I’m feelin’ okay this mornin’
And you know,
We’re on the road to paradise
Here we go, here we go

Maybe you wonder where you are
I don’t care
Here is where time is on our side
Take you there...
take you there

We’re on a road to nowhere
We’re on a road to nowhere
We’re on a road to nowhere

There’s a city in my mind
Come along and take that ride
And it’s all right, baby, it’s all right

And it’s very far away
But it’s growing day by day
And it’s all right, baby, it’s all right

They can tell you what to do
But they’ll make a fool of you
And it’s all right, baby, it’s all right

We’re on a road to nowhere

I'm having fun playing around with my fast new Xfce desktop,alias Xubuntu.

A person with ubuntu is open and available to others, affirming of others, does not feel threatened that others are able and good, for he or she has a proper self-assurance that comes from knowing that he or she belongs in a greater whole and is diminished when others are humiliated or diminished, when others are tortured or oppressed

.

Just over three years ago, when I interviewed the Saudi foreign minister, I asked him why he thought the US was determined to invade Iraq.

He said he had put the same question to Vice-President Dick Cheney. Mr Cheney had replied: "Because it's do-able".

It was. The trouble is, undoing the kind of damage the Saudi foreign minister foresaw is proving very hard indeed.

This war in Iraq makes me sick.

An idea came to me while showering. It is about to man's search for meaning and the great chain of being. Hasn't my/our search become focused on what the meaning of our lives are. Like Jung and others have said, this reflection of us on ourselves, on who we are, on becoming aware of our individuality is the latest chapter in the evolution of consciousness. People use many methods to give meaning to their lives, depending on their own level of awareness. But in the shower i entertained a thought that should be obvious but wasn't before. That what is inexplicable in my life belongs to a higher order of meaning. Of course religious orders take this for granted, bit i had long since walked out of that perspective and had to find my own explanation again. That gave me consolation, that this boundless 'one' i'm part of causes events i have no control over. Of course i also have some freedom that i have responseabilty over but i have to be aware of that which is beyond me. This doesn't mean I cannot love or fight in this limited role, just that i am aware of the boundless around me and to be better atuned and in harmony with it, if possible.

Another thing came up in meditation and a conversation with J, and because of a situation at the moment. So often we and i errect a barrier around ourselves to keep out other views, other possibilities. Some people start every sentence with the word no, other's like myself when listening to people silently 'judge' their words for it's veracity, depth, etc. Now mediation taught me today just to let go and watch 'things' come in. Seems easy hih but damn hard. It's so dangerous we feel. But it's really amazing to listen to others and EVEN OURSLEVES without 'reacting' defensively, judgementally to what is being said. The amazing freedom comes from this: when we let these sensations come in it means we have nothing to fear from them, nothing to defend against. No energy to waste on expensive 'defense'forces. Well those are my hippie ideas for today...(the judge in me comments ;)

We carry in our hearts the true country
And that cannot be stolen

I've been reading up about feng shui and dream states after having a real 'evil' dream while sleeping in an unusual position. Makes me think how unaware i often am about the influence my physical suroundings have on me and i on it. Well i re-organized a few things and felt much better physi-and psychologically.

actually i shouldn't be writing about birds singing and spring springing, because that's not how i feel inside most of the time these days. i should be writing about madnissss, anngrrr and deth ...and lie.if. i seem to be dreaming in a world of sleeping people. aren't there grown-apes outdare that still have dat eager twinkle of childlike all-is-possible in dare eYes. aren't dare people outdare who don't need whars and dis-asters to awake dem for a while; who think dare is more to luf than di dredgery of learn'ed' habbit(..ribbit ribbit). aren't dare people awakE! outdare?? is dare eni-1 outdare, eniONE, eniONE.... wel um that sounds like a line from star trek or a movie, so that probably means time 2go2 bed 4 dis-chayeld ;)

sense.early
caPtain No!skwik


ps. As you surely gesst bi Njow, dih caP get's s name from having dankgheroos multi-Pill Pow-whirrs:
1. he's backed up by a wellknown milk flavoring mix maker
2. he makes no sound when coming (in more ways than 1 ;)
3. he's quick to deny manythings
4. he's got a nasal drip
5. and last but least he understands everything very very schnell and rabidly :)

again adios amoebas

The bird and animal sounds newly arrived with spring are amazing, no. How empty the worlds would be without that. It's april fool's day but the sun already played one on me wednesday. for the life of me i couldn't see the bloody solar sonnefinsternis eclipse. I had enough data to satisfy Nasa, but alas the pudding was empty of proof; just tasteless theory ;)

test test test just a test

the secret is this: can i forgive myself for that which was not my fault and also for those things that were? i know not if i have the strenght for this or where to start?

it comes to me that success and failure can both be hard roads to face in their unique ways. They each have tribulations and as always from the one the other looks so much better. We can steer our sphere (holon) of control to some degree but the seas and channels of much bigger designs often 'destines' our successes and failures. Also what might look like a success or failure from the deck of our little ship often turns out to be otherwise later or elsewhere :)

This reminds me of the chinese story about the farmer whose horse ran away.

One day the farmer's son failed to tether the horse properly and the horse ran away. His neighbours said, 'What bad luck !'
The farmer replied, 'How do you know?'
The next day the horse returned with three other healthy young wild horses. His neighbours said, 'What good luck !'.
'How do you know?', replied the farmer. The following day the farmer's son broke his leg when he fell from one of the new horses. The neighbours said, 'What bad luck !' and again the farmer replied, 'How do you know?'
While the son was incapacitated the Emperor's army passed through the village gathering fit young men for a war that was just beginning far away on the other side of the Empire. All the young men from the village were conscripted except, of course, the farmers son. All the people in the village said: "He is a lucky man, he has still his son with him.
Of course he said as before: 'How do you know?'.

Welcome dear frühling. Your arrival is greeted with naked limbs and happiness by us ground dwellers :)

Some thoughts came swinging through the trees to me while meditating this sunday and i wrote them down thanks to R.:
- meditation is becoming more awake. Relaxed yet very alert. Like the aikido pratitioner, balanced, flowing, ready to answer, to live.
- our eyes and how and where they look may have a greater effect than we realize. Keeping my eyes unfocused on the horison seems to activate awareness.
- meditation is sitting with friends; being with friends, being present, being aware, being there :)
- there are different kinds and rhythms of breathing.

A thought paraphrased from Osho:

[meditation] is not seeking perfection but seeking wholeness

meditation:

c.1225, "discourse on a subject," from L. meditari "to meditate, to think over, consider," from PIE base *med- "to measure, limit, consider, advise" (cf. Gk. medesthai "think about," medon "ruler," L. modus "measure, manner," modestus "moderate," modernus "modern," mederi "to heal," medicus "physician," Skt. midiur "I judge, estimate," Welsh meddwl "mind, thinking," Goth. miton, O.E. metan "to measure"). Meaning "act of meditating, continuous calm thought upon some subject" is from 1390. -from online etymology dictionary

The Sanskrit word dhyana, derived from the verbal root dhyai ("to contemplate, meditate, think"), is the most common designation both for the meditative state of consciousness and the yogic techniques by which it is induced. The Vedanta tradition also employs the terms nididhyasana, which stems from the same verbal root, upasana (literally "dwelling upon"), and bhavana (literally "cultivating"). - Georg Feuerstein

My first time ever on deutsche soil as i journeyd to the giant Cebit show in the north of germany(Honaver) for a week of work. I must say i find the german people and landscape sehr interesant und freundlich. Wish you could see how sexy i looked in my new intalian suit :)

I'm glad to be home again! Thanks to heavy snowfalls today the country outside my windows looks beautiful, wonderful, hermosa, schön, pragtig, lieflik, out of a children's fairytale. i wish i was inside as peaceful as this view outside today.

I'm back in more ways than 1 :) First of all thanks Vica for your nice words(c nov 11 post). I guess faith in life and ourselves makes everything so much brighter and nicer :)

I had 2 interesting insights the last 2 weeks. Both are well 'known', but i felt them i little closer to my own bones.

One. Good and evil are two masks, two siblings who sometimes disown each other. They may be quite different at times but they both belong to a bigger mother wholon. Even though the fashion is to be 'good' these days the higher value is just to BE ... well! - Nietsche's beyong good and evil me thinks.

Two. The other night i saw my anima. Amazing that she is such a driving force in me and yet i barely notice or know her. And the more i do not, the more she acts without my 'guidance'. I 'saw' her in a dream state. This woman that 'i' believe to be the perfect match for the man in me. And i had a thought. For a woman to enter into my life, this Anima of mine has a bigger say than 'i'. My partner and my anima must get along and respect each other unless i want a catfight ;) The same goes for a woman. Her animus must accept the man she is with. I know this all sounds far out, but go to that deep place were all your inborn and learnt desires and expectations about a partner sits, and you will find her or him there. Very much alive and with significant power. The less conscious you are of her the more power she has. Do you see my dear ...

here's the sun setting on the 31st over cape town and the year 2005. i viewed it from a place aptly named sunset beach :)


The infamous Robben island can be seen on the right.

When i think of the past year a quote by Dickens comes to mind:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity . . . Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities.

....
It happens that I am tired of being a man.

Just the same, it would be delicious to scare a notary
With a cut lily
Or knock a nun stone dead with a single blow of an ear.
It would be beautiful to go through the streets
With a green knife shouting until I died of cold.

I do not want to go on being a root in the dark, hesitating,
Stretched out shivering with dreams,
Downward in the wet tripe of the earth,
Soaking it up and thinking and eating every day.
I do not want to be the inheritor of so many misfortunes.
I do not want to continue as a root and as a tomb, as a solitary tumble,
As a cellar full of corpses stiff with cold and dying with pain.
....
my thoughts exactly last night and today. from dear Pablo Neruda's poem Walking Around

One of the highlights of my day is driving to work along the coastline, singing, plus a bit of rally driving;)

Take me where the sun is shining
Where the air up in the skies are in my eyes
And I will fly to where
My dreams are hiding somewhere in the sky
For just a while

Bridges all around
Where victories of winners still survive
And evidence of losers on the ground
traces left behind
Not always easy to erase a time
So hard to get it out this frame of mind
And every hour it makes me wonder
Why I should stay

Take me where the sun is shining
Where the air up in the skies are in my eyes
And I will fly to where
My dreams are hiding somewhere in the sky
For just a while

....
- song from Coleske

I feel like i've stepped out of a thick slow running river into a warm maelstrom of current. for the first time ever i feel i have come home to an undivided country. for the first time ever i feel like have my birth country has become part of afrika. The temperature is great, freeing the boundaries of the soul. the trees are big and green and i've never seen my parents' garden so lush and beautiful. The people are moving, smiling, interacting with my eyes and emotions, even though i'm in a big city. I cannot say i feel at home but it's defintely an exciting place to be. The people i meet are brimming with life. Sidenote for Jan ;) - On saturday my brother's girlfriend said she was on a kontiki tour in europe in july, and although she only stayed two days in switzerland, she said she experienced the swiss people as the friendliest of all the europeans she came into contact with.

I've had too little sleep and too much alchohol this week but already i feel energy coming back into me. It feels a little like i can see and interact with the matrix :) my eyes and the times has changed. I wish my swiss friends could exprience this, i think they would be pleasantly stunned.
well a gruess to them all.

sala kahle
RP

sad goodbye but i got the nicest socks in the world :) pic to follow